Can you please help me edit my persuasive essay????

Simplyteeth.com states that each year people spend approximately $5 billion on chewing gum; this seems to be a major waste of money, but is it really? Traditionally, gum is thought of as nothing more than a candy, thus most schools do not permit students to chew it in class. Schools do not favor gum, or any form of candy, because they view it as a distraction. However, recent research found benefits of students chewing gum in school, that out weigh the minor faults. These new findings prove that several solutions to our childrens’ health and academic problems, can be found in their candy, gum. Schools should permit students to chew gum, because it can improve the obesity issues, oral health, and learning abilities of students.

Even though most people think the opposite, chewing gum in school can help students fight and prevent obesity. Contemporary analysis describes chewing gum, as an effective component in weight loss and management routines. One study published in The Energy Expended in Chewing Gum, found that chewing gum can increase metabolism rates by up to twenty percent. Meaning that students, by chewing gum, could naturally burn more calories faster than they would if they did not chew gum. Students would have less calories to burn in the first place if they chewed gum in class, before lunch. Science shows that chewing gum curves our appetite because the brain can not tell the psychological difference between chewing gum and eating, causing us to eat less. An experiment, conducted by The University of Liverpool, concluded that on average someone who chews gum prior to having a snack, will eat thirty six fewer calories than someone who does not. Each hour a person is chews gum, they are burn an extra eleven calories. Thus simply by chewing gum the class period before lunch, a student can unconsciously spare themselves forty seven calories. By chewing gum in school students will speed up their metabolism, as well as take in less and burn more calories, all elements that can improve record high obesity rates.

Chewing gum in school can also enhance a student’s oral health. To maintain healthy oral hygiene, dentists recommend that we brush our teeth after every meal. However in schools, after lunch, students do not have access to a toothbrush; an obvious indication that their oral health is suffering. If students could chew gum in school, the severity of this problem would significantly decrease, since chewing a stick of gum, can similarly to brushing, clean teeth by removing food debris. Gum also contributes to a healthy mouth through the action of chewing, which triggers a faster, steady flow of saliva. According to simplyteeth.com, this extra boost of saliva movement can banish harmful acids that lead to tooth decay. Allowing students to chew gum in school will make their next trip to the dentist easier, for they will have better overall oral health.

Lastly, students’ learning abilities will improve if they have able to chew gum in school. Some students need to have some kind of movement in order to focus and constantly tap their foot or pencil, possibly disturbing other students. However, some students may find chewing gum as s silent, less distracting, and more effective substitute for activity. The refreshing splash of flavor from a students gum, will revive the student, giving them a slight inflation of energy and improve their ability to focus on and comprehend the lesson. Students chewing gum in class will also produce in an increase of memory, through memory association. For example, if when taking notes in science class a student chews spearmint gum, his or her brain will associate the content of the notes with the flavor of spearmint. Thus if when taking a science exam the student again chews spearmint gum, the brain will recall the taste and connect it to the class material associated with it. Resulting in a jog of the students memory, so they better remember the information and earn a higher test score. Nutritionist, Gil Leville, declares that chewing gum, boosts the blood flow to the brain by up to forty percent. This extra blood circulating to the brain, carries oxygen which acts as fuel for the brain, ultimately increasing brain function. By chewing gum in class students will satisfy their craving for movement, focus more efficiently, have an extended memory, and increase brain function, ultimately advancing their learning ability.

Schools should approve of students chewing gum in class, because it can enrich the obesity issues, oral health, and learning abilities of students. Obesity is a big issue in today’s society and by permitting students to chew gum in school we can get one step closer to controlling it. Most Americans have had at least one cavity, probably a result of not chewing gum because they thought it was bad for oral health. It is sometimes difficult for students to pay attention in class but gum is a simple solution to this problem. Now, realizing all the benefits of chewing gum, the $5 billion annually spent on gum seems to be more of an investment in health and education rather than a waste. I urge our school districts to reconsider the new found benefits of students chewing gum in school.

Can you please help me edit my persuasive essay????
your paper needs and entry paragraph. dont start a paper out with a web link so the first sentence really needs to be reworded. you may want the first couple of sentence to actually state what your paper is about rather than jumping into stats. your first paragraph is also scattered you may want to work on a solid idea it jumps around too much. If i were you I'd start my paper first by talking about how gum and schools dont go together however according to your source chewing gum can actually be a plus. then your next paragraph should be about how it is a plus. Then you can take each of those objects and break them down into seperate pragraphs talking more about how each plus does benefit a student and then a strong conclusion restating your facts and make sure to back each fact up with a source, if you have any questions feel free to email.
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Reply:wow impressive, i really liked it and it pursuaded me really much. recently we had a writing assinment and we got to chew gum in class as our teacher said it is good to or something. so anyways, this sentence that you wrote- Each hour a person is chews gum, they are burn an extra eleven calories. it is actully suposed to be- Each hour a person is chewing gum, they burn an extra eleven calories. Simple mistake i see, but ure points may be taken off bu simple mistakes like these. hmm... u need to really indent in every paragraph, im not sure if u guys do it but without indents it is actully much better and is required for essays, as without indent it is a little confusing.. and... i dont see anything much more and it is great. ohh wait, you can add a little more better sentence starters to make it a little more interesting such as- Most people beleive, for sure, most often, experts agree that, interestingly enough, indeed, in many ways, so do you want to undertand how, its hard to belive but (this will be ideal for your first sentence) do you relize, let me explain, without a doubt, are you aware that, etc etc etc. thx for the gr8 essey ill sure ull be have a good grade