Please help me correct and add to this essay. (due tomorrow)?

Ashley Doss

English 4Th Period

Essay

Whitening Toothpaste



I enjoy whitening toothpaste and brushing my teeth, because i enjoy the clean feeling in my mouth. I love whitening toothpaste especially, because white teeth are attractive to me. Toothpastes come in many varieties - Crest, Rembrandt, Oral B, Aquafresh. Some flavors toothpaste comes in are spearmint, mint, vanilla, cinnamon, and bursts of orange. Some children's toothpaste come in more fruity flavors.

I plan on doing my science fair project on "What whitens teeth, and how?" I would enjoy looking up what ingredient is in toothpaste that whitens teeth and how it works. Also, which toothpaste contains the most of this ingredient? Does the flavor of the toothpaste take away from the whitening ingredient doing it's job? Or maybe, it adds to it. These questions have probably already been answered. I believe asking my orthodontist or dentist these questions will further my knowledge on this topic. The Internet may also be of a good assistance. Perhaps the websites of the toothpaste brands will inform me and elaborate more thoroughly on some of these things.

The toothpaste that whitens my teeth the best is Crest. I have braces, so it should be more difficult to whiten and clean my teeth. But, Crest gets the job done well. My Crest toothpaste has "whitening strips" in it that make my breath very mint, and are supposed to whiten teeth.They obviously work for me.

Maybe the type of teeth a person has determines how white they can actually be without scraping the enamel off of their teeth. Possibly, the type of toothbrush determines this. I use a Crest Pulsar and it clean very well in the hard to reach places.So, for me, the best brand of dental whitening is Crest.

Please help me correct and add to this essay. (due tomorrow)?
Ashley, what was the question in mind? Was it "What is your fave toothbrush or toothpaste, or do you like toothpaste and brushing your teeth? To help you better, most people need the topic sentence. Email me at lucasbeck95@yahoo.com PLEASE. I can help you from there.



Lucas
Reply:you have alot of "I" in your paper.

try rephrasing some of your sentences.

--these questions have probably already been answered.

^^you are totally bringing yourself down!^^



your ending is extremely choppy.



is this an essay or speech??



you have a few good ideas but i think you need to read through the whole thing again and readjust some of your sentences.
Reply:add more to the ending like i like crest because ....... you should use crest too. try it now by going o your nearest store. Thanks for lisening

Don't say I too much talk to them